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09.03.09 THURSDAY at 03:25pm |
I recently recognized that the most profound sadness I have ever felt derived not from the result of another person but from how I have disappointed myself.
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03.23.09 MONDAY at 01:28am |
Michael Clarke Duncan.
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02.04.09 WEDNESDAY at 03:52pm |
crash and burn.
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10.30.08 THURSDAY at 11:41am |
i hope you are being safe.
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11.05.07 MONDAY at 09:27am |
tell me a secret.
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03.05.07 MONDAY at 01:48pm |
i'm scared to take life too seriously.
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01.12.07 FRIDAY at 09:42pm |
uh .. i mean, pretty ridiculous.
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12.23.06 SATURDAY at 01:43am |
i only have so much patience.
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12.11.06 MONDAY at 02:56am |
me: laura, i just showered and my feet don't smell that bad. now can i please try on your uggs?
laura: no.
nancy: ha, you're gayer.
liz: i am NOT gayer than you. laura, am i gayer than nancy????
laura: you're more of a lesbian. nancy's just GAY.
sarah: let's get a tree!
liz: yeah .. and put it where?
sarah: near frank (our bunny)!
me: oh, so that'll be the part of the room that's like a pile of things we don't need that we still spent a shitload on.
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12.08.06 FRIDAY at 12:49am |
it's hell when you're around.
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11.26.06 SUNDAY at 12:20pm |
inhale that nasty bitch.
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11.16.06 THURSDAY at 11:23pm |
it's a bit disconcerting to come to the realization that the potential reason you might not care about yourself, is because you don't have anyone else to indulge in caring about. you is i is you is i is yoooou. or maybe it's the other way around. i care about someone else to compensate for not caring about myself. or maybe i've got it wrong all together. i think if i cared more about myself, i'd stop being fuck lazy and i'd start giving a shit about how my life is going. i wouldn't dwell on this or you or her or that or fuckshitcockballs.
i can't stop sleeping when i shouldn't be
and doing crossword puzzles when i should be studying
and talking endless bullshit about something no one cares about
about something i shouldn't even care about
but i mean. i'm actually in the library right now and have been for three hours.
we'll see.
did you know that squirrel tails are somewhat translucent? it freaked me out. i was staring at one unintentionally, and then suddenly became entirely aware i was watching a squirrel about three feet away from me [they get creepy close to you here], and then noticed i could see the leaves through it's tail. totally blew me away. maybe it was a mutation.
i hope ryan comes to see me.
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11.12.06 SUNDAY at 05:55pm |
uh, please shut the fuck up.
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11.08.06 WEDNESDAY at 08:54am |
i had a dream last night that we almost had a functional conversation, but then some girl two years older than me who went to my high school (who i've never talked to before) tried to hook up with me and got me arrested for sexual harrassment. cops came and handcuffed me while i was on the phone with emily, and they were leading me down lots and lots of flights of ladders, where the lower we got, the more rats there were trying to eat my face off. who knows.
galt didn't show up for form and space this morning, so after ten minutes, everyone left.
i got a huge breakfast for the first time in a looooong time, and now i plan on sleeping for three to four more hours.
shiiiit.
oh,
and liz and i may or may not have bought a bunny cage.
(we're not allowed to have pets, really)
we reserved a bunny rabbit at the pet store in the mall.
her name is frank, and she's getting checked out by the vet.
we're hoping to litter train her..
it's gonna be pretty neat.
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11.06.06 MONDAY at 12:25am |
but i'm letting you.
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10.29.06 SUNDAY at 09:29pm |
the last thing my therapist told me was, "don't be afraid to ask for what you need."
i'd really just like to know what that is.
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10.28.06 SATURDAY at 04:21am |
- are you dressing up for halloween?
ryan: yeah.
- what are you gonna be?
ryan: you'll see. you'll read about it in the newspaper.
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10.14.06 SATURDAY at 11:09pm |
hi ryan.
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10.13.06 FRIDAY at 12:53am |
we don't acknowledge anything about anything because it'll get in the way of superficially filling voids we created for ourselves this summer. maybe i'm just speaking for myself. if i could go back and re-live last october .. to maybe the end of may, i would do it so quickly. i wouldn't change much of october-march because an emotionally crippled cunt is an emotionally crippled cunt [is the girl i probably would have done anything for]. but i'd make sure as fuck to ensure myself a better summer. beer and waiting anxiously for temporary satisfaction is not exactly a good time. especially when you're leaving home to feel lonely and incompetent in an entirely new surrounding.
i just want to exist in someone's life who isn't needing me primarily to feel like a substantial part of our college community.
i just want to exist in someone's life who isn't needing me.
i just want to exist in someone's life.
i just want to exist.
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10.11.06 WEDNESDAY at 09:38am |
just because you feel it doesn't mean it's there.
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